The Root of All Things Evil

Today started off pretty normal. Then, right after lunch, daddy showed up. At first, I was really happy...but then I looked at the clock and thought...what's he doing here? He packed up my stuff and we were off...somewhere. I knew something was up when we drove past our exit to go home. Where in the world were we going?

Too late...I fell asleep.

I woke up when the car stopped...as usual. Where were we? Uh oh! Doctor's office! I really like my doctor. She's awesome! It's those pesky nurses with their needles that I really hate!

In we go...off come the clothes...out comes the scale. 20 pounds, 10 ounces (50th percentile). They then measure my height...29.75 inches (90th percentile!). Woah! Move over Lebron! The nice doctor checks me out and everything's looking good. She even said it's time to start feeding me more meat! Yum! Look out cows and chickens! Here I come!

My doctor leaves and I get dressed. Then...instead of heading back towards the lobby, we turn left. What the heck?! Why aren't we going home?! I'm tired. I'm hungry.

Mommy brings me to a counter and one of those nasty nurses comes over and ties a giant rubber band around my arm. She's really good at that. She must be a heroin addict or something. Then I see it. NEEDLE!

Squirm...twist...try to get away. I know I can over power mommy...so the nurse calls for daddy. Oh crap! Now I'm stuck. Then a second nurse shows up! Double crap! Needle....prick...WAAAAHHHHHH!

Stupid heroin addict nurse! I DESPISE YOU!

All I Want For Christmas...

So I woke up today feeling a whole lot better than I had been. I think I'm all better! I'm crawling around, climbing up on stuff, and having a ball. So what's next...off to the mall for some holiday shopping! Yay! I love shopping! Mommy always ends up buying me something!

We got there about 10:15 (after my nap and second bottle for the day) and what'd we do? Stand in line! BORING! I wanna ride around in my stroller and see all of the holiday festivities...but nooooo...we just stand in line...and for what?! I have absolutely no idea. The line is so long that I can't see what we're in line for.

After about 45 minutes, I just start to lose it. Bored, missing my morning snack, and getting sleepy! Nothing else to do but...nap! Mommy and daddy said that there were only two people in front of us for whatever it was that we were waiting for. Oh well...a guy's gotta do what a guy's gotta do, right?

I woke up in the Baby Gap. Mommy must have bought me something, right? I guess I'll never know because as soon as I woke up, daddy wheeled me away and got me some lunch. Yum!

We headed off to Macy's to look for mommy's cowboy boots...but instead of heading towards the shoes, we head towards the corner of the store??? We're met by this little old lady with pointy ears! How weird! The next thing I know...I'm sitting on a big fat dude's lap! So...not only is this dude's belly huge but he's got all this white stuff growing on his face and he's dressed really weird! I sure hope he gets to the doctor to have his face checked out! I know it's rude...but all I can do is stare at him. He's so weird looking!

Eventually, someone tells me that the big fat dude's name is Santa Claus and that he brings all of the good little boys and girls presents! AWESOME! Daddy even helped me write a letter to Santa! We said that I've been a good boy and I asked Santa for a pony for mommy, for a tiger for me, and for a Ferrari for daddy! I sure hope Santa thinks I've been a good boy!

I Broke It!

After two days in the triple digits, I'm back down into the doubles. 99.1! Yay!

I'm feeling better and got to go back to see my friends at CFC today! Yay! Not only that, but today's pajama day so I get to wear my PJ's to school! What's pajama day? That's when all of the big bosses at CFC come by our classrooms and read us stories in a special circle time!

If I'm anything like daddy...I'm going to fall asleep.

101.6

What's 101.6 you ask?

1. My new favorite radio station
2. How hawt I actually am
3. The degrees of longitude where our house is located

If you answered 2...you're right.

I'm sick. Booo!

Warning: Not For the Faint of Heart

Don't yell at me if you're grossed out by this one...I warned you!

So today was going fine and dandy at daycare:

• Naps: Check. Nice and long.
• Bottles: Check. Finished all of them off.
• Solids: Check. Finished off half of a banana as a morning snack, my lunch, and some puffs for my afternoon snack.
• Playtime: Check. Always fun!

So daddy comes to pick me up and we say goodbye to everyone and head out the door. As soon as I get strapped into my car seat, something is not feeling right. I try to fight it...but I can't. The tears begin to fall and the crying starts. Most of the time, this just means I'm tired and can't get comfortable. This time...it's different. I try and try but can't hold it back. BARF!

Daddy pulls over and jumps into the back seat and I'm just covered in my lunch. There's some pears, some carrots from the night before...STINKY! On the side of the road, daddy takes off his dress shirt and cleans me up and then strips me down to my diaper. Daddy's undershirt comes off so I have something clean to sit on. I'm feeling better so back in the seat I go.

Once at home, we walk inside to see mommy...daddy topless in his dress pants and me in my diaper. Man was she surprised.